Wednesday 14 December 2011

head and heart full!

My head and heart are so full right now and I don't really know what to do with it all, thought maybe blogging would help but not totally sure I can get all of my thoughts and feelings into some sort understandable writing lol. It all started when I read this book called "Courting Morrow Little" by Laura Frantz. Seriously, the best Christian fiction book I've ever read. It is so good that I finished it within 3 days and immediately started to read it again. This book has left me changed and I'm still not exactly sure how lol. I just feel this passion inside, this longing for the One my soul loves, to behold my sweet Jesus and nothing else matters. I just feel like I want to get out in His creation and spend time with Him. Go where no one else is and cry to Him, sing to Him, worship Him with all that I am. I just want to be with Him. I'm lovesick for my Savior. I've been getting away to the lighthouse that's about 5mins from our house. I love it at this time of year as there usually is no one around. I climb up onto the rocks and just stand there with the wind blowing in my hair, watching the waves crash onto the rocks, look into the distance at the massive cliffs that line the shore and just drink in His creation. Talk to Him, declare my love for Him over and over again and not want to leave but reality draws me back to the fact that I have kids and need to get back home before hubby goes off to work. I don't know what is happening inside of me, maybe God is stirring me up for a reason, I don't know. And then last night I stumbled across the story of Jim Elliot and his (and 4 other missionaries) martyrdom. It was the complete story told by one of the other guys son, who was told by the Auca Indians why they killed the missionaries. What an amazing story. If those 5 men weren't martyred, then the Auca Indians probably wouldn't have heard the gospel of Christ. Their death paved the way for Jim Elliot's wife and 1 of the other guys sister to go back and share the Gospel with them and understand true repentance and forgiveness. That story has changed me too! I feel as if I could truly go to the ends of the earth, face death or whatever, for the One whom my soul loves. I feel sort of like a caged lion, ready to bust out of these gates. It's so hard to explain, but my heart and head feel like a water balloon ready to explode! I guess I'll end there as I don't really know what else to say about it lol.