It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted. I've had some sort of sinus/throat infection and it's taken about 2 weeks for me to feel better. I haven't even gotten out to my running group:( Was hoping to go tonight but my shoulder and neck have been in agony from coughing so much, so I think I'll just try and go back on Monday. I haven't felt that ill in a few years. Glad it's mostly gone now.
I've been listening to a sermons online the last few days. One that was really encouraging is called "Don't be dismayed" by Carter Conlon. An exerpt from that sermon that has greatly encouraged me is "If you are an active seeker of God, you're gonna have to go through this classroom. I don't see there any escaping it. Every man or woman who is greatly used of God has to go through some very very difficult classrooms that the casual seeker will never embrace. Classrooms of isolation, confusion, despair come into the hearts of those who are truly seekers of God."
"And even though we have to go through valleys and trials we are already on the victory side because of Christ. And in the midst of them I will not fail you and I will not forsake you. All the promises I've ever made to you I will perform to you. And in spite of your weakness I will remain your strength. And in spite of your inconstancy I will remain the One constant in your life. I will not forsake you, I will not fail you in your time of difficulty and trouble."
Such encouragement that is! These last 4 months have been probably the hardest of my life, but yet the greatest in a sense. I can remember one day back in December, I was really struggling and I went and locked myself in the kids bedroom and cried out to God. I remember the tears just kept coming and it felt like my heart was being twisted and ripped into pieces. I remember telling Rodney that I know God takes us through these hard times and that if we truly seek after Him then we will have to go through these trials, but that I didn't know if I could handle it as the pain I was feeling then was so intense and raw. But you know, here we are in March and God got me through it (is getting me through it)! And I actually amazed myself by how much I trusted God through this all! And He has never forsaken me this whole time! Friends have forsaken me but He has been faithful. Even when it feels like He is a zillion miles away, He has never forsaken me. It's encouraging to know that God takes us through these trials in order to break us and bring us to the end of ourselves, all the while never forsaking us in these trials. Sometimes I ask God why He has brought us into this trial, but you know, it really doesn't matter why. All that matters is that God is taking us through it and He will get us through it. So many people look at your circumstances and tell you that you must be in error somewhere or in sin because of what you are going through. But God takes you through these times I believe, and like Carter conlon said "If you are an active seeker of God, you're gonna have to go through this classroom. I don't see there any escaping it. Every man or woman who is greatly used of God has to go through some very very difficult classrooms that the casual seeker will never embrace. Classrooms of isolation, confusion, despair come into the hearts of those who are truly seekers of God."
Praise you Jesus!
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Wednesday 9 March 2011
Learning to love myself!
Lately I've been spending a lot of time alone. I go to a running group every Monday and Wednesday on my own, sometimes people speak to me but most times no one does. I had a day in Aberdeen to myself the other day and really enjoyed it. It's not something I normally would've done as the thought of going anywhere on my own was enough to send me into a panic. And this Friday I've got my appointment in Aberdeen at the breast clinic, and I'm going on my own. I plan on getting a bus into Aberdeen and then after the appointment I'll get some lunch on my own then get the bus back home. I think that God has kinda thrown me into these situations of spending time on my own so that I learn to love myself. Not in the sense of being inlove with myself and arrogant, but learning to love me for who God made me to be and realising that I'm not the horrible person people make me out to be. I know some people think of me as some horrible person, but I'm learning not to listen to those lies and to just realise what God thinks of me. I'm learning in these moments when everyone flees from me, when I'm in solitude, when the only friend I've got is the Lord, that it's a time of reflection and much learning and leaning on Christ. I know I'm a sinner and have much weakness, but God has fearfully and wonderfully made me and I trust that He is making me more like Him. I hope He is, as I definitely want less of me and more of Him! Through these times of spending time where it's just me and God, it's been some of the sweetest times, and I'm learning to just be quiet and trust Him! Don't know really where I'm going with this post lol, just kinda writing as I'm thinking which makes for a very jumbled post hehe. But it's good to get my thoughts down somewhere. I was at my running tonight and afterward they had tea and cakes. I sat at a table with 3 other girls and none of them spoke to me, HA! I smiled at them to sort of break the ice, but nah they still just chatted amongst themselves. But while I was sitting there by myself in a room full of people, it gave me the opportunity to think on God and things He's showing me, to talk to Him in my head. Had I have sparked up a conversation with the other girls then I would've been too busy chatting to them to have some moments with God, not that chatting to them would've been wrong but having some moments with God is so much better. God is bringing me back to a place where I can say:
My goal is God Himself-- not joy, not peace, not even blessing, but God! ~Leonard Ravenhill
It seems God has stripped me away of all the things that were taking up my time and thoughts, so that I get back to a place of just wanting Him. Where He is my best friend and the only one whom I can trust. Where in these moments of being by myself, I think on Him, talk to Him, meditate on His Word. So, while before I would've hated being on my own, eating meals on my own, going places on my own, I'm welcoming it with open arms as I know that in those times of solitude that they aren't really solitude as He is right there, spending time with me, and causing me to realise that He is my everything!
My goal is God Himself-- not joy, not peace, not even blessing, but God! ~Leonard Ravenhill
It seems God has stripped me away of all the things that were taking up my time and thoughts, so that I get back to a place of just wanting Him. Where He is my best friend and the only one whom I can trust. Where in these moments of being by myself, I think on Him, talk to Him, meditate on His Word. So, while before I would've hated being on my own, eating meals on my own, going places on my own, I'm welcoming it with open arms as I know that in those times of solitude that they aren't really solitude as He is right there, spending time with me, and causing me to realise that He is my everything!
Sunday 6 March 2011
Leonard Ravenhill
I love Leonard Ravenhill! He's a very hard hitting preacher, he tells it like it is. So much of what he said or preached on convicts me. I'm not what I should be, that's for sure. I want to do a post that is dedicated to some of his quotes only, so here goes.
If you're going to be a true Christian, I'll tell you one thing amongst others: it'll be a lonely life. It's a narrow way and it becomes narrower and narrower and narrower.
Paul said, "...having nothing yet possessing all things..." Today, we have all things but possess nothing!
C'mon what really excites you? (What do you do on) Sunday afternoon? (Do you) watch a bunch of dumb guys kick a ball around? When do you give Jesus two hours of your time adoring and magnifying Him?
There are three people that live in me and three people that live in you: t the one I think I am; the one others think I am, and the one God knows I am... and it only matters what God says I am.
How do you learn to pray? (Well), how do you learn to swim? Do you sit in a chair with your feet up drinking coke learning to swim? (No), you get down and you struggle. That's how you learn to pray. Prayer is our strength; Prayer generates strength; it generates vision; it generates power; and the devil wilI drive you away from the prayer closet more than anything.
No man is greater than his prayer life.
Are we so in love with the Lord Jesus that He could ask anything of you and you'd do it? If God telIs you to get up at 4:00 a.m. and intercede would you do it?
There are millions and millions that are going to a fiery, eternal, tormented hell. (Do you think) you would have such a narrow, shrunken prayer meeting at your church if every believer believed that?!
There's one thing we need above everything else; it's something we don't talk about these days. We need a mighty avalanche of conviction of sin.
David had one of the most blessed experiences in the world, and the blessedness was that he was miserable about his sin.
The early church was married to poverty, prisons and persecutions. Today, the church is married to prosperity, personality, and popularity.
I want to see a fellowship where your burdens become mine! Your grief over your children becomes my grief! Where we really bear each other's burdens; where we love each other and let the world come and see that we are the followers of the meek and lowly Jesus who cared only to do the will of His Father.
I'm sick to death of the so-called Christianity of our day. What's supernatural about it? When do people come out of the sanctuary awed and can't speak for an hour because God has been in glory there? Dear God, as soon as they get out, they're talking football, or sports or something or there's going to be a big sale downtown or somewhere. We are not caught up into eternity!
The devil's aim today is to keep one away from the Bible.
Sin will keep you from this Book or this Book will keep you from sin.
We've gone into other countries... have we taken the Gospel? No! We have not taken the Gospel; we're giving them American Christianity or English Christianity! Bible-Christianity: it's the most costly thing in the world; it's the most beautiful thing in the world; it's the most glorious thing in the world.
There should be a birth chamber in every church; (it) should be a room for travail.
Can you remember the last time you didn't go to bed because people were dying without Christ?
We put men into pulpits because they have degrees. But you can have 32 of them and still be frozen! "Oh," you say, "we got a new pastor. He's got a B. A." I've got a B. A. too, I'm born-again! Today, there is such an emphasis (on education) isn't there?
I use to preach my heart out and people would say, "I haven't slept for five nights." Nowadays, they take you to court and sue you for that.
If there's no brokenness in the pulpit, why should there be any brokenness in the pew?
F. A. I.T. H. As children in England we used to say: Forsaking All I Take Him.
Faith can't do anything I want; (but) it can do anything God wants.
Christ will not stand competition. This vain world should have no pull on us at any level at all.
He wants to get us to the place where we'd rather fast than feast; where we'd rather be unknown than known.
A brother was telling me this week when he got baptized, it was kind of a sudden thing and he went down into the water and suddenly realized that he had his wallet in his pocket. There's not many wallets that get baptized (these days). We kind of say, "Lord, you look after our sins (and) I'll look after the rest. Every penny you earn since you've become property of Jesus Christ and you'll give an account of before God. He doesn't just take your sins; He takes your (whole) self; He takes (over) the government of your life.
I can think of one thing when I get to the Judgment Bar and Jesus will look down and say, "I had many things to tell you but you couldn't bear them." We're too busy running our own lives: praying when you want to pray, eating what you want to eat, going where you want to go, spending what you want to spend, reading what you want to read, (Do you) call that a spiritual life? Brother, it is carnal as carnality!
My goal is God Himself-- not joy, not peace, not even blessing, but God!
If you're going to be a true Christian, I'll tell you one thing amongst others: it'll be a lonely life. It's a narrow way and it becomes narrower and narrower and narrower.
Paul said, "...having nothing yet possessing all things..." Today, we have all things but possess nothing!
C'mon what really excites you? (What do you do on) Sunday afternoon? (Do you) watch a bunch of dumb guys kick a ball around? When do you give Jesus two hours of your time adoring and magnifying Him?
There are three people that live in me and three people that live in you: t the one I think I am; the one others think I am, and the one God knows I am... and it only matters what God says I am.
How do you learn to pray? (Well), how do you learn to swim? Do you sit in a chair with your feet up drinking coke learning to swim? (No), you get down and you struggle. That's how you learn to pray. Prayer is our strength; Prayer generates strength; it generates vision; it generates power; and the devil wilI drive you away from the prayer closet more than anything.
No man is greater than his prayer life.
Are we so in love with the Lord Jesus that He could ask anything of you and you'd do it? If God telIs you to get up at 4:00 a.m. and intercede would you do it?
There are millions and millions that are going to a fiery, eternal, tormented hell. (Do you think) you would have such a narrow, shrunken prayer meeting at your church if every believer believed that?!
There's one thing we need above everything else; it's something we don't talk about these days. We need a mighty avalanche of conviction of sin.
David had one of the most blessed experiences in the world, and the blessedness was that he was miserable about his sin.
The early church was married to poverty, prisons and persecutions. Today, the church is married to prosperity, personality, and popularity.
I want to see a fellowship where your burdens become mine! Your grief over your children becomes my grief! Where we really bear each other's burdens; where we love each other and let the world come and see that we are the followers of the meek and lowly Jesus who cared only to do the will of His Father.
I'm sick to death of the so-called Christianity of our day. What's supernatural about it? When do people come out of the sanctuary awed and can't speak for an hour because God has been in glory there? Dear God, as soon as they get out, they're talking football, or sports or something or there's going to be a big sale downtown or somewhere. We are not caught up into eternity!
The devil's aim today is to keep one away from the Bible.
Sin will keep you from this Book or this Book will keep you from sin.
We've gone into other countries... have we taken the Gospel? No! We have not taken the Gospel; we're giving them American Christianity or English Christianity! Bible-Christianity: it's the most costly thing in the world; it's the most beautiful thing in the world; it's the most glorious thing in the world.
There should be a birth chamber in every church; (it) should be a room for travail.
Can you remember the last time you didn't go to bed because people were dying without Christ?
We put men into pulpits because they have degrees. But you can have 32 of them and still be frozen! "Oh," you say, "we got a new pastor. He's got a B. A." I've got a B. A. too, I'm born-again! Today, there is such an emphasis (on education) isn't there?
I use to preach my heart out and people would say, "I haven't slept for five nights." Nowadays, they take you to court and sue you for that.
If there's no brokenness in the pulpit, why should there be any brokenness in the pew?
F. A. I.T. H. As children in England we used to say: Forsaking All I Take Him.
Faith can't do anything I want; (but) it can do anything God wants.
Christ will not stand competition. This vain world should have no pull on us at any level at all.
He wants to get us to the place where we'd rather fast than feast; where we'd rather be unknown than known.
A brother was telling me this week when he got baptized, it was kind of a sudden thing and he went down into the water and suddenly realized that he had his wallet in his pocket. There's not many wallets that get baptized (these days). We kind of say, "Lord, you look after our sins (and) I'll look after the rest. Every penny you earn since you've become property of Jesus Christ and you'll give an account of before God. He doesn't just take your sins; He takes your (whole) self; He takes (over) the government of your life.
I can think of one thing when I get to the Judgment Bar and Jesus will look down and say, "I had many things to tell you but you couldn't bear them." We're too busy running our own lives: praying when you want to pray, eating what you want to eat, going where you want to go, spending what you want to spend, reading what you want to read, (Do you) call that a spiritual life? Brother, it is carnal as carnality!
My goal is God Himself-- not joy, not peace, not even blessing, but God!
Assumptions
Don't you just love it when someone makes an assumption about you that is just that, an assumption that has no truth what so ever? I love it! Nah, not really lol. I've had it happen recently where someone thought I posted something that was directed towards them. Whatever I post anywhere is stuff that God is speaking to me and dealing with me. I remember at our wedding when our friend Andy was giving the gospel, one of my husbands cousins said he kept looking at her as if he was directing his entire sermon to her. I think we as humans are skeptical and untrusting, I know I am lol. And that goes to prove it! In her mind she was probably convicted but wanted a skapegoat somewhere, so she decided to try to mask her conviction with saying that the preacher was singling her out. It's easy to make assumptions though, we are human afterall. I've done it myself. You read something and you think "They are directing that towards me". I just did it the other day lol. And am learning that I need to stop and think that I need not jump to assumptions, that someone is maybe just saying something and it's maybe not directed towards me. Gotta stop the paranoia lol. And then you get the other side of the coin, you get the fear of saying anything about anything incase someone gets offended, but do you stop speaking what's on your heart for fear of offending folk or that they take it the wrong way? I hope not!
Slight spin off here lol, but I love John the Baptist! He's one of my favorite people in the Bible. He was a wild man, but yet he walked so closely with God. He challenged Herod about his relationship with Herodias his brothers wife. Herodias didn't like John the Baptist trying to get Herod to repent, so she tricked Herod into giving her the head of John the Baptist. John the Baptist was a man of truth. He came bringing the message "repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand". And you can bet that his message made people uncomfortable. Jesus' message made people uncomfortable, they tried stoning Him several times. Paul's message made people uncomfortable, they stoned Him. Truth is bound to make people uncomfortable yet that doesn't mean we should stop preaching it.
Do we stop being ourselves for fear that we are misunderstood? I for one care far too much about what people think about me. It's something that I'm praying God changes in me as I don't want to care what others think of me, especially when it isn't true. All that matters is how God sees me! And I need to rest in that fact. He knows I'm a sinner, He knows I have a black heart, He knows I make umpteen mistakes a day and yet He still loves me and doesn't forsake me. I'm tired of being eaten up by people who don't love me despite my many failings and warts, I'm tired of being eaten up by people who are determined to misunderstand me, I'm tired of being eaten up by other peoples opinions of me. None of it matters, all that matters is how God sees me and that's a truth that I need to let seep into the core of my very being. At the end of the day, people will believe what they want to believe about you, but that doesn't make it the truth. We just need to shake the dust off our feet and keep walking. Again, all that matters is how God sees us!
Slight spin off here lol, but I love John the Baptist! He's one of my favorite people in the Bible. He was a wild man, but yet he walked so closely with God. He challenged Herod about his relationship with Herodias his brothers wife. Herodias didn't like John the Baptist trying to get Herod to repent, so she tricked Herod into giving her the head of John the Baptist. John the Baptist was a man of truth. He came bringing the message "repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand". And you can bet that his message made people uncomfortable. Jesus' message made people uncomfortable, they tried stoning Him several times. Paul's message made people uncomfortable, they stoned Him. Truth is bound to make people uncomfortable yet that doesn't mean we should stop preaching it.
Do we stop being ourselves for fear that we are misunderstood? I for one care far too much about what people think about me. It's something that I'm praying God changes in me as I don't want to care what others think of me, especially when it isn't true. All that matters is how God sees me! And I need to rest in that fact. He knows I'm a sinner, He knows I have a black heart, He knows I make umpteen mistakes a day and yet He still loves me and doesn't forsake me. I'm tired of being eaten up by people who don't love me despite my many failings and warts, I'm tired of being eaten up by people who are determined to misunderstand me, I'm tired of being eaten up by other peoples opinions of me. None of it matters, all that matters is how God sees me and that's a truth that I need to let seep into the core of my very being. At the end of the day, people will believe what they want to believe about you, but that doesn't make it the truth. We just need to shake the dust off our feet and keep walking. Again, all that matters is how God sees us!
Friday 4 March 2011
Dying to self
This seems to be a theme of what God is speaking to me lately. Death to self. I've known about dying to self for many years now, but the actual dying to self part is a continual thing lol. I'm really noticing that we as western world Christians are far too selfish and we just basically live how we want to. We do what we want most of the time and it subtly pulls us away from the truth of our need to die to our SELF. Who are we living for? Ourselves or God? I was digging through a box of books tonight and found one of my old journals from like 6 years ago when we did this Bible school called "The School of Christ". I found some really great quotes that I had written down that just spoke on this very topic.
"Jesus came to do the will of the Father. Jesus says that our purpose on earth is to do the will of the Father" ~B.H. Clendennan
"All that serves Satan is SELF. The Cross works to remove that SELF" ~B.H. Clendennan
Not only is dying to self dying to our self-will, selfish ambitions etc, but dying to self is dying to everything in us that seeks to gratify and glorify self. For I was bought with a price, my life is no longer my own but it is Christ's. I am here to do His will and not my own.
I want to write so much more on this subject but it's now 2am and I need sleep lol. Man, when you are getting revelation it's hard to drag yourself to bed. I will be back to this subject soon. Look out for part 2:)
"Jesus came to do the will of the Father. Jesus says that our purpose on earth is to do the will of the Father" ~B.H. Clendennan
"All that serves Satan is SELF. The Cross works to remove that SELF" ~B.H. Clendennan
Not only is dying to self dying to our self-will, selfish ambitions etc, but dying to self is dying to everything in us that seeks to gratify and glorify self. For I was bought with a price, my life is no longer my own but it is Christ's. I am here to do His will and not my own.
I want to write so much more on this subject but it's now 2am and I need sleep lol. Man, when you are getting revelation it's hard to drag yourself to bed. I will be back to this subject soon. Look out for part 2:)
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Christ's Call to Follow in His Footsteps by K.P. Yohannan
Here's another video. Yikes this one convicted me!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esdhq7n2Zbg&feature=player_embedded#at=89
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esdhq7n2Zbg&feature=player_embedded#at=89
GO by Jackie Pullinger
One of my friends posted this on my facebook page and it's very soul stirring so thought I'd share it here.
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