Learning to love myself!

Lately I've been spending a lot of time alone. I go to a running group every Monday and Wednesday on my own, sometimes people speak to me but most times no one does. I had a day in Aberdeen to myself the other day and really enjoyed it. It's not something I normally would've done as the thought of going anywhere on my own was enough to send me into a panic. And this Friday I've got my appointment in Aberdeen at the breast clinic, and I'm going on my own. I plan on getting a bus into Aberdeen and then after the appointment I'll get some lunch on my own then get the bus back home. I think that God has kinda thrown me into these situations of spending time on my own so that I learn to love myself. Not in the sense of being inlove with myself and arrogant, but learning to love me for who God made me to be and realising that I'm not the horrible person people make me out to be. I know some people think of me as some horrible person, but I'm learning not to listen to those lies and to just realise what God thinks of me. I'm learning in these moments when everyone flees from me, when I'm in solitude, when the only friend I've got is the Lord, that it's a time of reflection and much learning and leaning on Christ. I know I'm a sinner and have much weakness, but God has fearfully and wonderfully made me and I trust that He is making me more like Him. I hope He is, as I definitely want less of me and more of Him! Through these times of spending time where it's just me and God, it's been some of the sweetest times, and I'm learning to just be quiet and trust Him! Don't know really where I'm going with this post lol, just kinda writing as I'm thinking which makes for a very jumbled post hehe. But it's good to get my thoughts down somewhere. I was at my running tonight and afterward they had tea and cakes. I sat at a table with 3 other girls and none of them spoke to me, HA! I smiled at them to sort of break the ice, but nah they still just chatted amongst themselves. But while I was sitting there by myself in a room full of people, it gave me the opportunity to think on God and things He's showing me, to talk to Him in my head. Had I have sparked up a conversation with the other girls then I would've been too busy chatting to them to have some moments with God, not that chatting to them would've been wrong but having some moments with God is so much better. God is bringing me back to a place where I can say:

My goal is God Himself-- not joy, not peace, not even blessing, but God! ~Leonard Ravenhill

It seems God has stripped me away of all the things that were taking up my time and thoughts, so that I get back to a place of just wanting Him. Where He is my best friend and the only one whom I can trust. Where in these moments of being by myself, I think on Him, talk to Him, meditate on His Word. So, while before I would've hated being on my own, eating meals on my own, going places on my own, I'm welcoming it with open arms as I know that in those times of solitude that they aren't really solitude as He is right there, spending time with me, and causing me to realise that He is my everything!